Man Blames Cable Company for Fat Wife, Unruly Children and His Unhealthy Lifestyle
Fat, lazy and addicted – to the tube!
You know it’s gotten bad out there when you’re no longer
shocked to hear about someone suing others for things
they’ve done to themselves. Along those lines, here’s yet
one more for the “absurd-but-true” file
Following in the footsteps of recent civil courtroom gems -
like lawsuits against fast-food chains and junk-food makers
for the unhealthiness of their products (as though we didn’t
already know that) – a Wisconsin man is planning to sue his
local cable-TV company for not only chaining his entire
family to the boob tube, but also for making his wife fat
and turning his kids into lazy, channel-surfing slobs.
I’m not even kidding, either.
According to a Wisconsin newspaper, these are precisely the
charges a Fond du Lac man is planning to name in a civil
suit against Charter Communications, his local cable-TV
provider. Apparently, some sort of administrative oversight
caused Charter Communications to continue piping cable TV
into the plaintiff’s home free of charge for four years
after he tried (repeatedly, so he claims) to cancel it. And
now he’s blaming this free TV signal for everything that’s
wrong with his life: His fat wife, unruly kids – even his
own smoking, drinking, and lack of ambition.
So why didn’t he just turn the TV off, you ask?
Because it’s ADDICTIVE, the man claims – a term that’s
quickly becoming one of the new “it-words” of our litigious
society. And this absurd concept is what’s allowing lazy,
ambitionless people like this Wisconsin whiner to file
frivolous lawsuits to try and capitalize on the “victim
mentality” the political climate in this country now fosters
in everyone under 50, it seems.
Now, I’ve written before about people trying to sue food
makers for their own expanding waistlines and lethargic
lifestyles, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard of
someone suing a company that doesn’t even make anything
EDIBLE for their fatness and laziness. What are pay-TV
companies supposed to d Include a free exercise bike with
your paid subscription – and hook the cable signal up to it,
so you can only watch while you’re pedaling? Should they
limit access to 2 hours daily per household, so you won’t
become hopelessly dependant on “Sex and the City,” or
whatever?
Perhaps the saddest (and funniest) part of this Wisconsin TV
drama is what this crackpot soon-to-be-plaintiff is
demanding from the cable company in damages: Free computers
for his whole family, plus unlimited free Internet service
for life
So they can all trade one on-screen “addiction” for another.
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Will left coast “food courts” take a turn for the less kooky?
Only in California, I used to say
Where else would the courts seriously entertain lawsuits
against food makers for the fully disclosed fat and
nutrition (or lack thereof) contents of their products? As
you’ll recall, I wrote about this back in June (6/17/03) and
then again in October (10/14/03) – specifically with regard
to one leftist lawyer’s lawsuit/public service campaign
against Oreo cookies (popularly considered a health food of
the highest order, as we all know).
But there’s hope on the horizon that such frivolous civil
actions may become a thing of the past. A recent Reuters
online article outlines one Golden State lawmaker’s quest to
bar lawsuits based on the downsides of junk- or fast-foods.
Citing the fact that diet-related obesity and poor
cardiovascular health are the result of lifestyle choices -
not ignorance, addictive chemicals in food, or a lack of
healthy eating options – this brave assemblyman’s bill would
echo similar legislation that passed in Louisiana (one of
the perennially fattest of U.S. states, I might add).
If this bill becomes law in California, it will signal a
major victory for the kind of personal accountability – for
better or for worse – our Constitution’s framers intended
for us always to have. And it’ll come in a state that’s
dangerously close to seeming like its own republic nowadays,
since they’ve strayed so far afield from that timeless
vision
I’ll keep you posted.
California dreaming,
William Campbell Douglass II, MD
