More of the news that’s screwy
Weird, Wild and Wacky, New Year’s Edition
What better way to usher out the old year and ring in the new than with a twisted report that shows just where we’re headed in the years to come
Felonious fencer on defense
A California fence building company that’s under contract to construct certain sections of U.S. border fence in the San Diego area is in hot water – for building those fences with ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS. According to the U.S. Attorney’s office, as many as a third of Golden State Fence Company’s work force of 750 laborers is made up of illegals.
The firm was first warned about the use of undocumented immigrants back in 1999, but recent audits revealed the problem persists – and that many of the offending workers were the SAME ONES as seven years ago. Two of the company’s principals now face jail time and multi-million dollar fines as a result. Whether the illegal workers were building holes in the fences to let more of their countrymen into the U.S. is unknown
Pint-sized peeker pays price
And I thought the days of harsh discipline for children were long gone! According to numerous sources, a South Carolina woman called the police on her 12-year-old son – for peeking early at Christmas gifts from his great grandmother! They didn’t just give the kid a good scare, either – they arrested him on petty larceny charges.
The boy’s mother claims he’s afflicted with ADHD, and that’s what caused him to not only treat himself to an early Christmas, but to be a continuous discipline case in school, too. According to one Breitbart.com article, the mom only called the cops to give her son a much-needed dose of discipline – since his Ritalin wasn’t doing the trick. Whether or not he made it onto Santa’s “naughty” list remains to be seen (sounds like it, though)
Hot hops homicide
A 70-year-old St. Louis man is dead, shot in the chest multiple times by his wife. Such things aren’t unheard of – hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. What did the husband do, you’re asking? Did he get cranked up on Viagra and trade her in for a trophy 25-year-old?
Nope. According to STL Today and other sources, he offered her a can of warm beer – which was apparently all they had in the house in the midst of a power outage. I’m sure there’s more to the story. But then again, I don’t know. Warm beer can drive anyone over the edge, unless you’re in England or Germany [ADS/BLURBS] Onboard “turbulence” grounds jet
An American Airlines flight with 99 passengers aboard made an emergency landing after one of them struck multiple matches while airborne – a federal offense since 9/11. Fearful that the passenger (a woman) might be attempting a shoe-bomb or similar maneuver, the flight was diverted.
As it turns out, she struck the matches to avoid detection of certain, uh, odiferous emissions of an embarrassing type. The woman, who suffers from an undisclosed medical condition (colitis, perhaps?), was not charged with a crime. Whether or not this was the first time a plane was grounded because of “cabin turbulence” we can only speculate
More methane-related atmospheric news
Backing up the findings of oft-ridiculed U.S. research on bovine flatulence, none other than the bloated and gas-spewing United Nations itself has now concluded that cow farts contribute more greenhouse gas (methane, Co2) to our atmosphere than all forms of mechanized transportation combined.
Whether or not the EPA will soon require “cow-talytic converters” on the beasts’, uh, tailpipes remains to be seen
