No matter how many times they study antidepressants — and now matter how many ways they look at these meds — the answers are always the same.

The drugs just don’t work — and any “effect” they might have on depression is not much better than the placebo effect.

But there’s one thing these drugs do and do well, and that’s throw your brain chemistry so far out of whack it might never come back — and the latest research shows how it can have ramifications from your head to your toes.

That’s because common SSRI meds “work” (HA! Work, I crack myself up sometimes) by tricking the brain into keeping its serotonin around a little longer than it would on its own.

But serotonin isn’t some magic mood booster. It’s a critical neurotransmitter used for everything from digestion to clotting blood to sexual function — and when you use chemicals to alter the way the brain treats this stuff, you get side effects in “all of the above” and then some, according to the study in Frontiers of Psychology.

And in addition to all those risks, people who take these meds have DOUBLE the risk of a relapse compared to those who get better naturally — assuming you live long enough to get better in the first place, since the drugs also boost the risk of death in seniors, according to the study.

How’s that for side effects?

You want to beat depression, you can beat depression — but forget the meds.

Most people get better with nothing more than a little time. If you don’t feel like waiting, you can speed your recovery with any combination of B vitamins, St. John’s wort, a new hobby, or a weekend someplace with a good beach.

Personally, I’d pick the beach.

When I heard that the chief medical officer of the American Cancer Society was launching a new attack on “unproven” cancer treatments, I braced myself for yet another assault on natural medicine.

That’s always how it works isn’t it?

“Unproven” doesn’t really mean “unproven” with these people. It’s a code word used to dismiss anything and everything that goes against the mainstream’s highly profitable screenings, drugs, and chemo approach.

But Dr. Otis Brawley’s attack wasn’t on natural cancer cures at all — it was on the mainstream’s screenings, drugs, and chemo approach!

Yes, I know — someone had to pick me up off the floor, too.

In a speech to health journalists, Dr. Brawley called the current system “a subtle form of corruption” and admitted that doctors routinely lie about the success rates of both screenings and treatments alike — including PSA exams, bone marrow transplants, and chemotherapy.

He even ‘fessed up to the dirtiest secret of the cancer industry (and yes, make no mistake it IS an industry): The system is set up to steer patients not toward the best or most effective treatments — just the most profitable ones.

“Twenty-five years after graduating from medical school, I concluded that a lot of doctors are out to make a buck and a lot of doctors are out making stuff up as they go along,” he admitted.

Tell me something I don’t know.

I also know that nothing sells like controversy, and right now Dr. Brawley has a book for sale — so suffice it to say he’s out to make a buck or two himself (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

He also continues to blame smoking for cancer (wrong) and heart disease (wronger) and he still touts HPV shots as an effective way to prevent cancer (wronger still).

And let’s not forget the little fact that his ACS has yet to acknowledge a single one of the safe and natural cancer treatments out there.

But while he’s not ready to talk about them, I am. Despite what you’ve heard, cancer is not a death sentence, and you can beat this disease without poisonous drugs or toxic chemo.

It’s one of the greatest medical miracles of the 20th century — but if the mainstream has its way, it’s going to be snatched right out of your doctor’s hands.

Chelation therapy is the single best cure for everything from heart disease to dementia. It WORKS — but the mainstream hates it because in addition to being highly effective, it’s dirt cheap.

So naturally, they’re pulling every dirty trick in the book to make sure YOU can’t get it.

At a recent meeting of the American College of Medical Toxicology held on government property, doctors were told to spy on their fellow doctors and RAT THEM OUT when they use chelation.

It’s like the bad old days of the Soviet Union… but right here in the USSA.

The crazy thing about this is I don’t know what the spy-doctors are supposed to report — because chelation therapy isn’t some banned treatment done in secret underground clinics.

It’s legal and even FDA-approved for the removal of toxic heavy metals. And in addition to helping to rid your body of proven disease-causing metals such as lead, chelation can break up the calcium deposits clogging your arteries.

Like I said, it’s practically a miracle, especially since it’s also perfectly safe.

Well, safe for YOU anyway.

For your doctor, not so much — because he’s clearly now the target of an unofficial witch hunt… and you can bet this is just the first salvo in a much bigger battle.

According to the Alliance for Natural Health, both the FDA and the Federation of State Medical Boards sent representatives to this meeting. That’s a sure sign something’s afoot here — possibly a backdoor ban on chelation.

That’s when a treatment is legal and even approved by the feds, but doctors are forbidden from using it anyway. In the state of Kentucky, for example, doctors who even discuss chelation with their patients could lose their license.

Could your state be next? Do you even have to ask?

When they say “fish is brain food,” they’re not kidding — because the fatty acids found in fish oil are just about the best possible things you could pump into your noggin.

This is no surprise, of course, because I’ve told you about the brain-friendly benefits of the omega-3 fatty acids found in fish (and grass-fed meats) so often I’m starting to sound like a broken record.

But in case there are any lingering doubts, a new study of 1,200 dementia-free New York seniors backs it up yet again — because the ones with the highest dietary intake of omega-3 fatty acids just so happened to have the lowest blood levels of beta amyloid, a protein linked to dementia.

That’s all good. But as far as studies go, this one wasn’t exactly what I’d call “top notch.”

Even though the researchers took blood from the patients to measure beta amyloid, they didn’t bother to use those same blood samples to measure omega-3.

Instead, they relied on questionnaires — not exactly the best way to establish omega-3 levels.

But like I said, we’ve got an endless number of other studies on this — including plenty that did look at actual blood levels of omega-3s. They’ve found, time and again, that not only do high blood levels prevent dementia, but they also slow the rate of “brain shrinkage.”

All our brains shrink as we age, but a faster shrinkage is usually a sign of impending dementia. If omega-3s can slow it down, then you want your omega-3s.

You can get them from fatty fish and grass-fed meats — but the consistently best way to get the high levels needed for brain protection is via a supplement. Add one today… before you forget.

Here’s a quick and easy way to up your tumor risk: Visit the dentist!

Dentists shoot radiation at anything that moves. They call it a “routine” X-ray despite the fact that there shouldn’t be anything routine about exposure to radiation.

Now, a new study shows why — because people who get suckered into “routine” annual dental X-rays have a dramatically higher risk of brain tumors.

Researchers from a who’s who of top institutions — including Yale and Harvard — say data on nearly 2,700 people finds that yearly bitewing X-rays double the risk of meningioma, or a tumor in the lining of the brain.

Worse still, those who got regular panorex dental exams starting from age 10 or younger had five times the tumor risk.

But this is another one you can file under “obvious and unsurprising.” In fact, you can even file it under “best-case scenario,” because at least meningioma tumors are nonmalignant and often cause no problems.

Many of the people who have them don’t even know it.

But dental X-rays can also dramatically raise the risk of all kinds of other tumors, including the cancerous tumors than can hurt or even kill you.

One study found that 10 or more dental X-rays over the course of a lifetime boosts the risk of thyroid cancer by 5.4 times when compared to people who avoid getting zapped.

But do we really need more research to know that radiation brings all kinds of bad news? It’s RADIATION, after all — and any exposure comes with risk. Even Homer Simpson knows that.

If you do need a dentist — and we all do from time to time — find one who won’t use fluoride or mercury and will limit the X-rays to only when you really need them.

Along with a lead apron, make sure the dentist provides a thyroid collar (and if your dentist doesn’t have one, find a dentist who does).

And limit your time with the dentist by caring for your teeth the Douglass way: Skip the toothpaste and mix plain old baking soda with 3 percent hydrogen peroxide. Work it into your teeth and gums with your fingertips, and rinse with the peroxide.

You’ll have the best smile in town.

I’m not done with teeth yet — and if you wear dentures, I’ve got news for you. Keep reading!

But now, you could be facing something even worse — like a deadly infection, as researchers say dentures can harbor dangerous and even drug-resistant bacteria such as MRSA.

I know, that sounds terrifying — but don’t panic and don’t throw out your dentures unless you’re in the habit of leaving them on a hospital floor when they’re not in your mouth.

How else is something like MRSA going to get on your falsies in the first place?

If you’re going to a care facility, leave them home (there’s nothing worth chewing on there anyway). At the very least, don’t pop them out and leave them on counters, tabletops, bathrooms, or any other surface since we know how filthy these places are.

For nearly everyone else, I doubt this is a big risk — but in any case, there’s an easy way to sanitize your dentures: zap ‘em.

Just three minutes in a microwave is enough to kill all bacteria, including the drug-resistant baddies, according to the new study in the Journal of the American Dental Association.

It’s the best use for a microwave yet.

However, if your dentures have metal, don’t nuke them unless you want your own private indoors fireworks display. Instead, soak them in a solution of two percent chlorhexidine gluconate for at least 10 minutes.

That will also kill 100 percent of the bugs, according to the study.

In any case, no matter where you’ve been, clean your dentures regularly — and never let false teeth get between you and a good steak.

But you might want to stick to the more tender cuts.

Everyone’s telling you not to eat it. Taxes are being imposed to stop you from buying it, and you can bet laws are being passed to ban it completely.

But without cholesterol, you’d drop dead — because despite what you’ve heard, your body actually NEEDS this stuff.

Just a few weeks ago, I told you how low cholesterol levels have been consistently linked to a higher risk of cancer. But no matter how many times the link is made, researchers claim it’s just an “association,” and urge you to keep avoiding cholesterol anyway.

Time to tell them to stick an egg in it, because the latest research shows it’s a heckuva lot more than an association. In fact, this one shows exactly how cholesterol protects you from cancer.

It starts with a set of proteins called ORPs, or oxysterol-binding proteins. In a set of experiments, researchers discovered that these proteins play a critical role in cell growth — and, when left unchecked, they cause cells to grow wildly out of control.

And yes, that’s the very definition of cancer.

So what keeps them in check? Cholesterol!

In fact, when researchers engineered ORPs that could no longer bind to cholesterol, cell growth went haywire — which is exactly what you don’t want in your body.

Naturally, there’s already talk of creating new cells that mimic cholesterol so you can get the same results without the actual cholesterol — and you can bet it won’t work half as well and will come with side effects to boot.

But since it will be manufactured, rather than natural, someone can slap a patent on it and charge you an arm and a leg for the privilege of using it.

Don’t even waste your time. You get the real thing at no extra cost from steak, eggs, bacon, and all the foods you already love… but have been told you shouldn’t eat.

Eat ‘em anyway, because despite what you’ve heard cholesterol can help protect everything from your brain to your heart. And for more on why you NEED cholesterol visit my Daily Dose online archives at www.douglassreport.com and search the word “cholesterol.”

Now grab a beer and kick back — because I’ve got good news on another “bad” habit.

I’ve told you time and again how booze helps protect the heart, brain, and more. And now, a new study shows how beer in particular can make you smarter.

We’re not talking “smarter over time” or “beer drinkers tend to be smarter” but an actual, measurable boost in problem-solving skills the moment you even smell those hops.

In a series of experiments, researchers from the University of Illinois in Chicago asked 40 young men to play a drinking game. (And no, it wasn’t beer pong.)

It was a word game. The researchers gave three words, and the men had to find a fourth that fits the pattern. For example, the researchers might provide “peach,” “arm” and “tar” and expect the men to answer with “pit.”

Just one thing about this drinking game: Only half of the men got to drink during it. They were given two pints each, while the rest had to play sober.

Turns out sobriety isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, because the men who had the beer solved 40 percent more word puzzles. They even did it faster, averaging 12 seconds per puzzle — versus 15.5 seconds among the non-drinkers.

Naturally, there was also a downside. The researchers say that while a blood alcohol level of 0.07 led to better creative problem-solving skills, it also took a little off the memory.

So, it’s true. You can drink to forget (at least while drinking — because over time, a moderate booze habit can actually help preserve memory).

But if you have a problem that needs solving, don’t just have one drink. Have a second one, too.

And if you have a boy but wish “he” was a “she,” just light the candles and let him inhale — because phthalates mimic estrogen in the body. It’s one of the main reasons boys are growing up to be sissies, complete with their own set of breasts.

But forget the kids, because today I want to talk about how these chemicals can ruin YOU, starting with a dramatic boost in your risk of diabetes.

I’m sure most people don’t need much help in that department, thanks to the one-two punch of the modern diet and sedentary lifestyle.

But if you’re teetering on the brink of disease, phthalates can push you right over the edge — because a new study on 1,000 senior Swedish women finds that high blood levels of these chemicals will DOUBLE your risk.

This isn’t exactly a stunner since phthalates have been linked in studies to insulin resistance, high blood glucose, weight gain, increased abdominal fat, and all the other usual suspects that work in cahoots with diabetes.

But it’s one thing to know all that. It’s quite another to actually do something about it, because avoiding phthalates is practically a full-time job.

Most personal items with fragrance of any kind contain them, including candles and air fresheners. They’re also in shower curtains, vinyl flooring, upholstery, sealants, inks, and more.

Phthalate fumes are even responsible for the so-called “new car smell.”

Like I said, it’s not easy — but do the best you can here for yourself and the rest of your family. Everyone’s health is on the line.

The feds want you to believe the dramatic 78 percent rise in autism cases over the past decade is nothing more than a bookkeeping trick. There aren’t more autistic kids — just more docs who’ve learned to recognize the condition.

Baloney!

I’m sure more diagnoses — and even OVER-diagnoses — is part of that increase, but I’m just as sure that more kids are autistic than ever before. And a big part of the reason is the dramatic rise in exposure to toxic heavy metals.

Now, one new study shows how the junkiest of all junk ingredients — the high-fructose corn syrup used in… well… just about everything these days — can cause your mercury levels to shoot so high you might reach the planet that shares its name.

Former FDA toxicologist — and noted agency whistleblower — Renee Dufault says HFCS depletes the body of zinc… and zinc is needed to chase out mercury.

Ms. Dufault is the same researcher who found low levels of mercury in HFCS several years ago — so if you put two and two together here, you get more toxic heavy metals and less ability to rid the body of them, all in one convenient package.

On paper anyway, it sounds like a recipe for autism. Out in the real world, it’s just a small piece of the puzzle — because HFCS is hardly the biggest source of mercury.

This dangerous metal is in dental fillings, vaccines (especially flu shots), seafood, CFL light bulbs, and more. It’s even turning up in the water supply, so you could be poisoning your family every time you open the tap (one more reason to make sure you have a reverse osmosis water filter protecting your home).

And mercury itself is only a piece of the autism puzzle — because other toxins, lousy eating habits, and hormonal problems can all play a role.

I can’t give you a one-size-fits-all answer on this. But if you suspect a little one in the family might be the next autism statistic, get the kid to a naturopathic physician ASAP.

Early diagnosis and proper drug-free treatment can make all the difference in the world.