You’ve heard tons about nicotine over the years, and almost all of it’s wrong — because no matter what the Health Police say, this stuff isn’t bad for you.

It’s practically a wonder drug — and nowhere does it do you more good than in your brain, with new research confirming what I’ve said all along: Nicotine can slow, stop and even REVERSE the cognitive slide that often leads to dementia.

Hear that, smokers? Keep puffing — it’s good for you.

Of course, the mainstream will never admit to any such thing — so for the new study in Neurology, they didn’t let anyone light up. God forbid!

They used nicotine patches instead.

No matter — the nicotine still worked its wonders: Nonsmoking seniors who were showing noticeable signs of cognitive decline at the start of the study regained 46 percent of their long-term memory loss after six months on the patch, along with boosts in concentration.

Those who got a placebo patch, on the other hand, should’ve taken up smoking — because they weren’t just over the hill. They were tumbling down the other side, with memory loss plunging by another 26 percent over six months.

I don’t think I need to ask which side of that hill you’d rather be on.

But again, this is no surprise. Nicotine — SMOKING — has been proven to boost the parts of the brain linked to memory and concentration even in people not at risk for dementia.

And that’s not all a regular nicotine fix can do for you. Along with boosting your brainpower, smoking can help slash your risk of Parkinson’s disease, heart disease and even some forms of cancer.

That’s why Big Pharma is hard at work on a nicotine pill they hope will be their next “wonder drug” (what’d I tell you?)… but you don’t have to wait for them. You can get all the benefits right now the natural — and politically incorrect — way: with a quality cigar after each meal.

Just one warning here: Everything comes with side effects, and nicotine is no exception. The researchers behind the new study say the patients who took it consistently lost weight.

Somehow, I think most people will sign up for that “side effect” in a heartbeat.

The night vision security camera might make it look like the latest edgy documentary-style horror flick — but there’s no paranormal activity here.

This is 100 percent real.

It’s a man with sleep apnea. Watch as he stops breathing. Try to hold your breath along with him — just don’t try too hard, because you might pass out: The man stops breathing for a full 40 seconds.

But here’s what’s truly frightening: This could be happening to you repeatedly every single night… and you might not even know it.

Unless your spouse has seen you gasping for air in the night or — like the man in this video — you’ve spent a night in a sleep clinic, there’s no way to know for sure whether or not you have this breath-robbing condition.

But if you’re overweight or obese, you’re playing with fire already — because weight is the top risk factor for sleep apnea. And as this condition sucks the air from your lungs, it cuts off the flow of oxygen to your brain and heart, putting both at risk.

That’s why apnea has been linked to dementia, heart problems, depression, mood swings, an early death and more.

One new study finds that women with apnea have a 350 percent higher risk of death from heart disease than women without it. Other studies have found a similar story for men.

You can try to fight it with an oxygen mask, but who wants to sleep with one of those every night?

Lose the weight instead — and do it before you find yourself starring in the next apnea horror video.

You’ve seen these people — they probably step out in front of your car from time to time, completely unaware of how hard you had to slam the brakes to avoid killing them.

But not everyone hits the brakes in time: In six years, the number of headphone-wearing pedestrians killed or seriously injured after stepping in front of cars, trains, trucks or buses tripled — from 16 in 2004-2005 to 47 in 2010-2011.

Seventy percent of those cases were fatal — and in a third of them, the drivers hit the horn as they hit the brakes.

Naturally, the victim didn’t hear it. The last thing he heard was whatever inane new song was blaring from his music player.

Now, I know that 116 people over the course of six years isn’t exactly a big number… but it’s just the tip of the iceberg: The researchers used only Google News archives and incidents reported to the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System and U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

I’m sure there were plenty of other cases that didn’t make headlines or get reported to a federal database, not to mention all the other causes of distracted walking.

If you want a laugh, head over to YouTube and look for security footage of people texting and emailing themselves into fountains, ditches and walls — but it’s no laughing matter when people step out into traffic while writing one last “LOL.”

Remember, the walkers aren’t the only ones distracted — drivers are sending texts and emails of their own. And when a distracted walker steps into the path of a distracted driver, you know who’s going to lose every single time.

I’m not the type to laugh at someone else’s misfortune, but even I got a kick out of a recent New York Times exposé on yoga injuries.

That’s right — yoga injuries as hip urban yuppies turn gentle stretching into a competitive sport… and suffer crippling injuries as a result.

You know the people I’m talking about: Most of them live in places like New York and La La Land on the Left Coast, wear their expensive stretchy pants everywhere, and never leave home without a yoga mat in tow… even if they’re not going anywhere near a yoga class.

At that point, it’s not about the poses anymore. It’s about the posing: “Look at me! I do yoga!”

Once they do get to the studio, they try to out-pose each other and impress the guru with increasingly complex positions held for longer-than-ever periods.

That’s not the path to inner peace and enlightenment — that’s the highway to serious and even permanent damage, because over-yoga can crush both sciatic nerves and vertebrae arteries.

The nerve damage alone can lead to debilitating pain, including the dreaded “yoga foot drop” that can make even walking difficult — but that’s a walk in the park compared to the swelling and constriction some of those poses can cause in your arteries.

When that happens, even healthy and young wannabe yogis could suffer a blood clot or stroke. Rare? Maybe — but plenty of other injuries are super common, with yoga yuppies often left limping from sprains and strains and stiff with whiplash-like injuries to the neck.

Over-yoga can actually cause the very conditions its backers claim it can heal, including back pain and joint damage — and some yoga positions can even lead to head and brain injuries.

The Times reported on one well-respected guru who wrecked his back so bad he needed surgery, and another whose hips sockets simply fell apart — leading to a replacement surgery.

Listen, there’s nothing like a good stretch — and you should be moving and stretching throughout the day anyway.

But the chanting, overheated rooms, yoga mats, stretchy pants, and scented candles are optional — and the pressure to out-yoga your friends or impress the guru is completely unnecessary.

Yet docs keep dishing them out anyway. And when one doesn’t work, they’ll try another… and another… and another.

It’s a waste of everyone’s time — and meanwhile, your bowels are not only madder than ever, you’re battling drug side effects to boot.

Now, new research confirms what I’ve been telling you all along: Low vitamin D levels play a critical role in any number of bowel disorders, including Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis.

Americans who live in the sun-soaked south are 52 percent less likely to come down with Crohn’s and 38 percent less likely to get hit with ulcerative colitis than folks who live up north, according to the study in the journal Gut.

This gels with other studies, which find that Crohn’s is rare in the sunniest climes along the equator, and gets more common the further north you go (Sorry, Canada).

Of course, there’s a lot more to a healthy gut than adequate vitamin D levels. Naturally, diet plays a major role as well.

The best way to find out which foods are behind your pain is with a food elimination diet — a painstaking and time-consuming diet that involves starting with almost nothing and then slowly adding foods to see which ones send you running for the toilet.

I won’t lie — it’s a lot of work. If you’re not ready to go through all that, try my shortcut: I had the inside scoop on the five ingredients most likely to cause bowel trouble in the December 2010 issue of my Douglass Report newsletter. Click here to get all the details.

It’s a matter of fact that docs who take cash from drug companies prescribe meds differently. OF COURSE they favor meds from the firms that pay them. OF COURSE they’re more willing to use those drugs off-label. OF COURSE they’re more likely to prescribe them willy-nilly.

But even if your doctor doesn’t reveal who he’s in bed with, his partner is going to have to fess up. Because under new disclosure rules kicking in next month, drug companies will be forced to reveal every payment and gift they make to docs.

That includes not just money for consulting and/or speaking on behalf of a drug, but it also includes those notorious travel and entertainment expenses — like, say, an “informational session” held on a beach in Waikiki.

Even small expenses — lunch with the doctor, or bagels for his receptionists — will need to be reported.

It’s a step in the right direction, but you’re still going to have to do your part. Because if you expect to see these disclosures where they might actually help you, like posted on the wall in the waiting room, you’ve got another thing coming.

Instead, they’ll be put online in a government database, which means you’ll have to look into your doctor BEFORE you see him — quite a challenge if, say, you’ve been taken to the hospital and you’re being treated by doctors you’ve never seen before.

In those cases, you’ll still have to guess. You can start by looking at the logo on his pen. And that gives me an idea: Who says docs need to wear white jackets or scrubs anyway?

Let’s give them some new attire: a jacket with the logos of all their corporate benefactors sewn into it.

It works for NASCAR drivers.